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Problem Saying ‘No’

Posted By: Joan Burge on 4/27/2009

This is one question I frequently hear from administrative and executive assistants. I’m sure you many of you have encountered this, so I’d like your advice.

“I have a problem saying ‘no’ to anyone. In the past, climbing up to the position I presently hold, it was an asset and it helped me to get noticed and promoted, but now I find it has labeled me as the go-to person. With all the duties I am expected to perform, I just can’t help everyone, yet I find myself doing it anyway. How do I decline without sounding difficult or rude?”

My question to my readers: How have you handled or would handle a similar situation?

10 Comments

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- Apr 27 2009, 5:30 PM Alice
- I have had the same problem in the past. I handle these situations by explaining what is on my plate and letting the person know that I cannot help them now and then I give them a time when I can help. Most people are understanding because they have alot on their plate too!
- Apr 27 2009, 11:34 PM Shirley
- I too am one that has a hard time saying no. It helps me to ask myself this question so I don’t feel guilty saying no. “Do I really need to do this or is this an opportunity for the other person to grow?”
- Apr 28 2009, 12:27 AM Jasmine Freeman
- I just received an AdminPro Alert with this topic and I had to check it out. Here is the article they provided: <a href="http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/simplify-your-life/articlers.aspx?cp-documentid=17239676" rel="nofollow">lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/simplify-your-life/articlers.aspx?cp-documentid=17239676</a> Check out page 2, saying no for the sake of your time, they are some great scenarios. Other reasons you would want to say no that they cover are: saying no for the sake of your wallet and for the sake of your sanity! Keeping a project 'to-do' list handy with dates and action items and who assigned you the project is also a great visual tool to use when you receive a new request. Pull the project list out or up on your screen and ask them for some advice on where this new task fits - A, B, C priority, due date - is it feasable to add to your current schedule or is there someone better suited to delegate this task to at the current moment?
- Apr 29 2009, 1:01 PM Brenda
- I find myself saying "I would love to help you, however my schedule is full until (date or time)" that way the person asking you to do this task has the opportunity to weigh out their option if they are willing to wait or if they need to find someone else to do this task right away.
- Apr 29 2009, 1:57 PM Lorinda Freeman
- I explain that I'm unable to help them right now, but could (tell them when you can help them). I offer solutions to their need. Sometimes training them on a system or machine so they can do it themselves. I do have the reputation for doing things for others not on my teams, but always keep my teams needs first. I love being an Admin Asst!!
- Apr 29 2009, 8:10 PM Elaine Holmquist
- When an administrative assistant gains the reputation of having influential authority and being resourceful, the requests for his or her assistance naturally increases. Again, it's important to keep priorities in check. The priorities naturally lie with the main team of that admin. If another person from another department requests help, and if I have a full plate, I will ask specifically when they need that item completed (e.g. how soon). If it is not urgent, I can usually accommodate them. If it is urgent and I have multiple priorities, I will let him or her know that and give alternative choices (e.g. delayed lead time, suggesting delegate). Normally, they understand. In our company, there is an unspoken message that admins are to help everyone out, and it is frowned upon if one were to say, "it's not my job". However, this situation of multiple requests can be handled diplomatically and with finesse. As a last resort, I can solicit help from my direct manager (since he's the VP of Sales, many of the managers I work with report directly to him also).
- Apr 30 2009, 4:06 AM Joan Burge
- Hello Star Admins! Thank you for sharing great advice and your perspective on this topic. And thanks to my special admin, Jasmine! I'm teaching World Class Assistant this week in Las Vegas -- 2 1/2 days but wanted to check in quickly and read your great contributions. Thank you and keep coming back!!
- May 04 2009, 8:07 PM Cathy
- I have tried to say no on many occasions - everyone's request seems to be a priority. I have offered many optiions to accomadate them. My task load has increased because of this. I thought the craziness would be rewarded. When cost of living increases came around, I was informed that there was no $ available for my position. When I recenly said "no" to a task due to time management, I was responded to in an less than professional manner by my supervisor! What does everyone think?
- May 04 2009, 8:59 PM Lis
- It would not be acceptable where I work to say no to the boss. However, I can say "well, I'm currently working on projects X and Y. Would you like me to leave them for now and work on the new project instead?" This not only reminds my boss of what's on my plate but lets him make the decision on the priority of the new project. If it's a peer who asks for help at a moment when I can't give it to them then I say "I'm sorry but I'm on a deadline for our boss. I can help you after I'm done with this if you'd like." They can then decide if they want to wait, deal with it themselves, or ask someone else. Where I work staff is frequently approached to work on volunteer projects. In the beginning I had to condition myself to not immediately say yes or no but rather "let me check my schedule and workload and I'll get back to you." This would give me the opportunity to decide if it was something I wanted to do and had time for without feeling rushed to say yes because I was caught off guard. When I get back to them if I'm saying no then I say "I'm sorry but with all the projects I currently have going if I took something else on I wouldn't be able to devote the time and attention needed to the projects I've already made a committment to." This helps make the no a little softer but there are some who won't take no for an answer and will try to offer alternatives or ask why, etc. For those pushy types I try not to get into debates with them or justify my answer. I find that the best thing is to just say "No, I'm sorry but no" and I keep saying that and only that. They'll say things like "well, can you do this then or how about this?" and I'll say "I hear you, but no, I'm sorry no." After 2 or 3 times they get it.
- May 05 2009, 11:44 AM Tori
- I don't believe I have a problem saying, "No", to most people. My answer varies and is tailored for the requestor. The higher up the request comes from, the more difficult it is to say, "No". However, if I feel very strongly about not doing something, I will say, "No", even to the President of this firm and will state my reasons why. (Recently, I felt too much was being asked of me that was interfering with my family/personal life. That's when I push back.) If the request comes from a manager, I will ask for the due date. If it cannot be completed by then, I give the list of projects with due dates and ask what should be post poned or delegated to someone else. If its an employee, I will say, "I won't be able to because I'm in the middle of xxx." If they still pursue the issue for me to complete it at a later date, I'll still say, "I won't be able to because I'll be working on xxx for xxx that needs to be completed by xxx." Then, I'll continue and will explain other people came to me for simple or not so simple requests that I had to turn away, as well. Some people will try to manage you and your time instead of you managing it yourself, regardless of what level position they are in. This can be especially true for those people who have poor time management skills to begin with. They may run amuck and try to dump their load on you. If you allow it and your performance suffers because of it, who do you think is going to receive a bad review? They'll use words like, "accountability" and will hold you responsible. Value yourself and your time.

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