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Underneath It All by Joan Burge
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Joan Burge's Administrative Blog

Working With a Difficult Boss?

Posted by: Joan Burge on 3/13/2009

Some managers are really difficult to work with; others are just misunderstood. You have to figure out the real difference so you can increase your job satisfaction. How do you do that?

Usually, tense situations with another are geared around communications. You may have very different communication styles. (I’ll write about this in another blog.) You can be very different in how you view things at work. This is called different perceptions. Then there can be a difference in expectations. In other words, what do you expect your job to be and what does your manager expect you to do?

A starting point is to make sure you clearly communicate with this person. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they are saying. Ask them to explain their thoughts to you. Say something like, “I find it interesting that you see this project that way. Can you explain your perspective to me further?” Be interested. The idea is you want to “get inside their head.” The only way you do that is to ask questions and repeat what you think you heard. Also, be a good listener and hold back any prejudices you may have about that person. Try to be open-minded.

If you are working for someone who belittles you as a person, that is a different story; or if you they treat you unfairly. Then you really have to do some soul searching and maybe some job searching!

Joan Burge
 

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18 Comments

    • Mar 22 2009, 4:02 AM Amy Elise Bazer Anderson
    • My problem with this blog is that what about those folks who work in a small business where you only have one person who is your boss and he has no idea how to manage people. He can barely organize himself, grumbles when he doesn't get things his way and believes his way is the only way despite the fact that he doesn't know how to do email?<br><br>These people, including myself, are the assistants who don't have options. We work in small business with people who went into small business for one thing - the money. They may offer us great pay, but is the abuse worth it?
    • Mar 23 2009, 8:36 PM Joan Burge
    • Hello Amy!Thank you for you comment. I'd like to address them. First, it is more difficult when you work in a very small business and for the owner. Small business owners usually go into the business because they were good at something or saw a need and wanted to have their own business. Some of them go into it also because they want control; they want to have freedom as well from being under others or flexiblity with their schedules. Many entrepreneurs do not like the managing side of a business but that is part of owning your own business. Believe me, I know after owning my own business for 18 years.To your second point -- don't have options. My belief is that every person has options. We all have the power to make choices. Every employee has the option to walk out the door if they are not happy and they should, in my opinion. In my 20 year career as an administrative professional, I worked in 12 different companies in 5 states. There were times when I needed the money, we had bills to pay, and we had 2 little kids -- but I walked away from places where I was not happy. That takes courage to do so.That is why a person always has to keep up their skills and stay educated and grow. Then they can make choices for themselves. When you are good at a career, you will always land on your feet. Also, one has to realize that you may not find the exact work you like in the city you live. Many assistants (married -- with kids) have picked up and moved.Good luck! Joan Burge
    • Mar 29 2009, 6:31 PM Ecri G.
    • Hi Amy,<br><br>Another approach you might want to take in your situation is to practice "detachment". It's often easier said than done, however, if you feel that leaving your job is not an option, this might be your best bet. It may sound like a cliche, but the truth is we can't change people, we can only change how we react to them. Continue doing your job to the best of your ability and when he acts out just tell yourself, "This is his issue/problem, not mine." Keep in mind that it's one thing to have a grumpy boss and an entirely different thing to have an abusive boss. At that point you really do have to evaluate your situation and ask yourself if the money is worth the abuse.
    • Mar 29 2009, 6:40 PM Karly
    • I am an assistant and had my share of difficult and obnoxious bosses, and it always ends the same way. You either quit or they let you go. The worst part is that sometimes you do love your company and your coworkers, and it is really crushing when you know you've done everything you could have possibly done to make it work.<br><br>Joan, what can you do when you work for the highest executive in the company? I am sad to realize I no longer believe in HR, because HR also works under the same difficult boss. They're affraid to lose their jobs, so they will never get involved to support your cause, even if your boss smacks you in the head for no apparent reason (as it happened to me long ago).<br><br>And if you try to stand up for yourself, you're labeled as insubordinate or a whiner. Some people just enjoy being abusive, and they will not change their ways, even if you do everything you're expected to do, even if you're the best employee they've ever had.<br><br>Sometimes excellent communication skills won't prove to be enough, since your boss just doesn't want to hear you. As time is a precious commodity, the little dictators just cannot afford the time to listen to you and will continue to bark their way into your sanity. And if you decide it's no use to waste your saliva on them, they think you're weak and the abuse will continue.<br><br>It's a no-win situation. Doomed if you do, doomed if you don't. Any advice?<br>
    • Mar 29 2009, 6:40 PM Joan Burge
    • Hello Karly!<br><br>Thank you for writing. And thanks to all of you who have commented on this topic. It is such a tough situation because as you said, sometimes politics are involved. People who report to a higher up are intimidated by the "big cheese" and do not want to lose their job. <br><br>Karly, I hate to say that it usually means one has to leave the position. I would imagine that if you have been working for the highest executive, that you have good skills and would be the kind of person a good employer would appreciate and hire. While this is not really the time to leave a job (the job market is extremely intense right now), I would get my resume in good order, keep my eyes and ears open, and network so when the time is right, you can make a move. <br><br>I would also spend this time learning any news skills possible; reading; maybe taking some on-line classes; attend our free webinar series and so forth. You can never know too much and again, the extra knowledge will give you a competitive advantage over someone who does nothing.<br><br>Best of luck.<br><br>Joan Burge
    • Mar 31 2009, 11:13 PM Johnson
    • Good subject. I don't think I have anything to offer because I have a boss that can be difficult if she does not get her way. I just stay out of her way when I know she is stressed. I am getting to know her a little better and can anticipate her mood swings. I don't take it personal and like the last reader, I detach myself from the situation the best I can.
    • Apr 01 2009, 12:47 PM Dedra
    • Good subject! I worked for a company that had 2 owners that ran it and actually said in a company meeting, "I am the boss, this is not a democracy it is a dictatorship and we say what can or cannot be done" Shocking, right?<br><br>They said that to get employees to tow the line. The exceptions to that statement were those that they couldn't afford to lose. I was 1 of those due to a skill set that I had and none of the other AAs had. I tolerated them as they tolerated me. After a while and upon vamping up my skill set more, I left. I couldn't take anymore of the "dictatorship". It was a risk, but it paid off due to my skill set.<br><br>All of us should concentrate on our skill set and being sure we take advantage of any opportunity to expand and make YOU an Asset to someone.
    • Apr 01 2009, 1:07 PM Rosaline
    • Working for a difficult boss can be stressful and humiliating at times. I am an executive to the president of the company and when I started working for him it was stressful. He would tell me what he wanted and once I did it he would tell me that he didn't say to do it. He usually comes in mad and I have to keep telling myself that he is not mad at me it is something at home. <br><br>I started keeping a daily journal, whatever he asked me to do I write it down and read it back to him and once he agrees that is what he says I do it. So now when he tells me he did not say it I pull out the journal and show him that this is what he said to do. For the past 4 years it has worked.
    • Apr 06 2009, 5:19 PM kay daniels
    • Rosline - that is an EXCELLENT solution! Bravo!
    • Apr 22 2009, 3:47 PM Charlotte
    • Really great article. I am having a really stressful time at the moment, working with a extremely difficult boss. It's really demoralising because I am considered a good performer by others in the company and by my old boss. I find that communicating is a huge problem because he wants to pick a fight all the time or pin the blame on me if he hasn't done his job. I constantly have to apologise and take responsibility for him, which is pathetic, but I feel it's my fault that he hasn't done his job. It's really affecting my life, although I try to detach myself from it as much as possible. I know I should be grateful that I have a job in such difficult times, but when he has had yet another tantrum about being asked to do his job, I feel I cannot continue and that the only solution is to leave. I am currently doing a course, getting my CV etc. in order and keeping my eyes and ears open as suggested. I also try to do fun things outside of work but it's tough. I sympathise with anyone trying to work with a difficult boss.
    • May 04 2009, 6:33 PM kigar
    • Interesting show GV! I am way behind in my episodes, but I am going to catch up. I have had Absinthe before and I would not call my self a fan, however variety is always a pleasure.<br><br> QOTD - Australia. If that does not count because it is also a continent - Somalia (look here <a href="http://rapid4me.com/?q=Somalia" rel="nofollow">rapid4me.com/?q=Somalia</a> ).<br>
    • Jul 10 2009, 12:34 AM SuperAdmin1
    • I worked for a boss whose boss was abusive and she would vent to me and take her frustrations out on me. Whenever she would ask me to complete a task at the last minute or "stand over my shoulder" she would always attribute her actions to HER boss and make it seem like he was "making" her behave in this manner that was rude and offensive to me. I made a lot of money at that job; however, it was very stressful. I had to make a decision, either I will make a lot of $$$ and be stressed and take it out on my family or find a job that was less stressful and possibly take a pay cut. I chose the latter.
    • Jul 10 2009, 6:12 PM Joan Burge
    • SuperAdmin1 Good for you. You made a good decision because, bottom line, we need to be happy where we work.
    • Jul 19 2009, 11:34 PM Christina
    • I'm glad that I read this blog. I have a difficult boss too...my Grandmother! And my Father is my supervisor! We have a small business and I'm the AA but I feel like many of you. Its been hard because we work together and we're family. SO our roles conflict. BUt the principles are the same. Communicate in love (truth, tact,thoughtfulness, honesty). Honor the employer, do your best, and avoid strife. Sometimes one has to leave the job and find something new. Other times I think it calls for reevaluating yourself and seriously making some self adjustments to deal with the person. We can't run from everything that sucks but we can learn from it or change our perceptions.
    • Oct 19 2009, 9:20 AM stitch124
    • I have worked at a global company for 17 yrs and worked for as many managers in that time. In the last three I have worked for a manager who is a Jekyll and Hyde. One day my manager can be very nice, the next day, a tyrannt. This person is a micromanager and will ask me to make adjustmetns on the calendar and then turn right around and do it himself...without giving me the time or the courtesy of doing it myself. Also, my manager will ask me to do research on a stated procedure in the organization, then when I provide the printed details, my manager will say, I don't think that's correct, do more research. There is no pleasing someone who thinks they know everything. I document my manager's request word for word and if there is a question will remind my manager what he asked for. Sometimes he will make several changes to what he originally asked about. When it comes to the research, it's like he doesn't believe me after I've made the effort to find the stated procedure. Then I have to go to someone at a high level to get support for my research, then my manager will finally accept my feedback. How do you advise dealing with someone who thinks they're way is always the right way or that they know everything?
    • Sep 08 2010, 1:16 AM Ann
    • Thanks for information!
    • Oct 18 2010, 11:49 AM Nancy
    • I have been with my executive for the 10 years...always had a good working relationship, but this year it's like he has totally lost his mind! The way our company is set up I am actually supervised by someone else, and in our 10 years he never remembered this...till this year. He called one morning and I was not in yet so he asked my teammate for my supervisor's name! Now he goes to her over everything!! I've had one talk with him and that helped for a while; now I'm wondering if I should just tell him how unhappy I am and that I'm looking to leave? Just hang in there and hope he gets over whatever is going on in his head?
    • Nov 18 2010, 8:31 PM Linda
    • Is it appropriate for a co-worker (not supervisor) to ask me to send a personal package on company time? Especially when I was up to my armpits in yams cleaning up after our Thanksgiving luncheon. What if my supervisor now says I "must" perform personal tasks for staff? This offends me in a big way. It is stealing company time and materials (she put her personal package while at work), and demeaning to me. I feel like an office maid because of the "have to" part. If I hadn't been so tired and busy I most certainly would have helped her - or showed her how and where to go. Your thoughts?
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